Thoughts on Mother's Day

My thoughts on whether I consider myself a mother are nebulous. Honestly, I don't feel like a mother, even though I want to. Do I deserve to feel like a mother? I know we have four viable embryos (I half-jokingly call them my Snowflake Children since they are tiny, frozen, and unique) in Chattanooga, but what about the one embryo we lost? Am I his mother? Even though I did not hold him in my arms, does he exist somewhere other than in my memory? Who was that child to have been, if anyone at all? Have these months of post-traumatic bliss been some sort of gift of his spirit? Is there a child growing this moment in another woman whom I will someday call my own? 

I came across a great post few days ago by Amy of The Messy Middle that has given me a voice to articulate these thoughts. I don't know how my church will celebrate Mothers' Day, or what my reactions to what happens might be (please, no standing, Lord!)  I feel so far from the whole situation right, which usually means that it is looming so large and so close that I can't even see its edges. 

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.