The winds that sometimes take something we love, are the same that bring us something we learn to love. -Bob Marley

When I listen to music, I have to have an emotional connection to truly appreciate it. Something has to resonate within me before I allow that particular music into my sphere of influence. For a long time, I had kept heavy metal at a distance because I could not (thankfully) relate to the extreme anger and agressive thoughts that permeated the genre.

Well.

Weeks of injections, chemicals rampaging through your body, surgeries, strangers poking and prodding, culminating in a grand finale of crushing disappointment will do that to a person.

When I found out I was "really" not pregnant instead of "sort of" not pregnant, I was so angry that I kicked the giant box of my medicines down the hall. With a styrofoam cooler inside. Barefoot. My friend Lauren, a physical therapist whom I consulted about my aching foot, quipped "that box had it coming." So for the next few days, I had to live with the consequences of my anger. It felt good at the time, but for days afterwards, I had to live with my regret. And a limp.

The releasing of anger can better any medicine under the sun. -Pantera, "Mouth for War"

All my feel-good, happy, melodic music was intolerable to me. I needed an outlet. Anger is energy (not inherently good or bad), and it needed to go somewhere other than my right metatarsal. A few good men at work gave me their best selections of metal music in hopes that it would help. They also probably got a good laugh thinking about me listening to heavy metal. I really enjoyed what they gave me. My anger subsided into curiosity which morphed into amusement. Ultimately, the song that was most cathartic (because it is utterly ridiculous) was "Mouth for War" by Pantera.

So all that to say, yeah, I actually like metal now. Not my all-time favorite genre, but I can now relate to 80% of the teenagers at my school. And I think that makes be a more interesting person. The past few months have seen more than a few of my assumptions overturned, and music is no exception.

Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent. -Victor Hugo

If someone told me tomorrow that they had just found out that they were infertile (or diagnosed with cancer or some other dreadful diagnosis) these are the songs I would offer them. Some are explicitly Christian and some are just plain explicit. My journey has had a lot of different stops along the way and they haven't always been bathed in angel music. Each of these songs has spoken to me in a different way. They represent the friends, family, books, and and hope that see us through hard times. I hope one or more of them will speak to you.

What songs get you through hard times? Have you ever learned to love something you thought you didn't like?